“We will be boarding flight 257 to J.F.K airport shortly” a voice said over the intercom.

My mom grabbed me and told me to get ready as I wiped drool from my mouth. I wiped the sleep from my eyes and stretched before getting up to stand in line for boarding.

I didn’t feel too happy to be going home that day. I didn’t want to leave my family in New Mexico and sit on another four hour flight home.

“Ma, when do you think we’re coming back?” I asked

I must’ve asked that question one hundred times, my mom just ignored it after a while. I dragged my feet to my seat on the plane. I grabbed the leathery seat belt and strapped it across my body. I took my phone out and texted my cousin.

“Hey Taylor I’m on the plane, I hope I come back soon I’m gonna miss you”

“Have a safe flight, call me when you get home,” she replied.

Taylor was my best friend. We were only one year apart in age, had similar experiences and were inseparable until my family moved to New York. When I visited New Mexico I was so excited to see her. We clicked again like I never left and spent every minute together while I was there.

The night before I left we hung out and went to Dairy Queen. We drove our grandmother’s truck through the dirt paths with music playing loud enough to blow an eardrum. We sat on the bed of the truck and sat on our ice cream while breathing the cool thick air.

“I don’t wanna leave tomorrow tay” I said “I don’t know when we’re gonna come back and I really love it here”

“C’mon jay” she sighed “you know we are gonna keep in contact”

I took a long pause, I doubted her statement. I was scared of losing my closest family member but I just nodded along and agreed.

Taylor and I kept in contact for a while after I returned home. We would call and text each other to share our stories and update each other on our lives. As months passed by we slowly stopped talking more and more. Months turned into years but we would still have small contact here and there.

One day my junior year I was walking home from baseball practice. My pocket began to vibrate to the beat of apple’s ringtone.I pulled it out of my pocket and saw my mothers contact name. I answered the phone

“What’s up ma?” I asked

“Hey, have you spoken to Taylor recently?” she asked in a serious tone.

My heart began to rush, I was worried. My feet slowed down and my legs began to feel like the heaviest objects in the world.

“No i ain’t talk to her in a while” my voice shook, “why? Is everything okay?” I asked

“Her and grandma got into a big argument and she left” she said “Just let me know if she says anything to you, love you bye”

My mind was moving a mile a minute. I checked all her social media to see if she was active. I didn’t see anything and I got even more worried. I tried calling her. The phone rang. I bit my nails as the rings kept going. She didn’t pick up. I tried to message her.

“Hey taylor, you ok?” I sent the same message five times hoping she would see them and answer me. The walk home felt like a marathon. My mind was racing and I couldn’t think of all the things that could’ve happened to her. I finally got home. It was dark outside and the house smelled like grilled chicken.

“Ma! I’m home!” I yelled as I walked in the kitchen. She was talking on the phone while finishing up dinner. I eavesdropped her conversation and quickly realized she was talking to my grandmother trying to get updates on the situation.

I sat in the living room waiting for what felt like an eternity. I kept refreshing all Taylor’s social medias hoping something would change or I would get a response. But nothing changed and I began to lose hope. My mom finally hung up the call and came into the living room.

Anxiously I rushed her for an update, “Mom! What’s going on?”

She took her time, slowly sitting down. She had no emotion and it caused more fear to flow through my body. “Taylor is at her boyfriend’s house, she is gonna stay there for a while,” she said.

At  first I felt relieved, thoughts and worries of death were gone. I didn’t express happiness but my body was filled with joy. I texted her “Hey Taylor text me whenever you see this”

I wondered if she was okay but was glad to know she was somewhere and safe. I continued on with my day and life checking my phone every few minutes to see if she had given me a response. She never did, I kept checking throughout the week and still had nothing.

I felt that same feeling of months passing with no contact. As the weather began to heat up I got excited. I thought of Taylor graduating. I tried texting her for months but this time I was very determined. I spammed her.

“Hey Taylor , how’s school?” I asked over and over. I texted her for days to no response still. My emotions were shot. I went to my mom to see if she had any more luck than I did.

“Ma! Is Taylor graduating?” I asked

She hesitated, breathing heavily as if she didn’t want me to ask but knew I would. She rubbed her head, filled with sweat from mopping the kitchen floor.

“No Jeremiah she dropped out” she rushed the words out from her mouth. “She’s on drugs, she lives with her boyfriend and she dropped out”.

My heart broke. I didn’t have anything to say. I skipped a heartbeat and only had the ability to mutter, “wow” before walking away.

I sat and thought the whole night of Taylor and I speaking of our goals. We planned for these big moments and in the blink of an eye it was gone. I didn’t move from my bed. I felt like I lost her. She’s still breathing, but in my head she’s dead and that pain is what makes it even worse.

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